10.

YAYYY I'M LIKE SQUEEING WITH JOY.
I fucking love photoshop. And sharing my creations with people. And being complimented.

Being rewarded for efforts feels nice.

9.

UUGHHH!!
shit. wow. i just watched this movie called 5 Centimeters Per Second.
i swear, that is the saddest, most brutally honest movie i've ever seen.

it made me sad because out of everything, it reminded me of me and nard because of the long distance relationship reference.
and at the end of the movie, it didn't work out. just like me and him ended up.
but both the people were happy. and i hope i feel that way about him one day.
he's made the most impact on my life, after all. just like the girl did on the guy in the movie.
shit. it's like my life story, except animated and in japanese.
UGGGHHHHH.

but out of everything, it made me think. alot.
people have a huge desire to stretch their arms out and reach for the heavens.
why? i think i would be happy enough to understand my reason for living.
but the thing is, i don't want to know that reason.
i want to have the thrill of trying to find it out.
fuck science and technology. i crave a knowledge for understanding, not logic.
knowing how everything works wouldn't mean happiness for me, because then there would be no bigger goal for me to chase. it's that intense feeling of trying to understand that makes me happy.

i also realized from the movie that when i'm older, i want to live in a country type of home near the ocean. and listen to the crickets at night. and lay in a grass field and look at the stars. and just think, in peace, with the beauty of nature surrrounding me. that would make me feel infinite, out of all things.

i love movies that make you think and change your perspective of things.

8.

wow. you say you miss me, and when i look at your comments to other girls, you're completely selling yourself like a prostitute. like, i really don't know what you're thinking.
i miss you alot too, but when you get like that, it's just annoying.

anyways, spending time with my family made me rethink alot of things. in the perks of being a wallflower, charlie said, "i am very interested and fascinated by how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other. " and this was about his family.
and i was thinking about how true it was. because me and my two older cousins differ so much from each other, but there's, like, an unspoken bond between us. my cousin wrote to me in a card "if any tight pants boy messes around with kathy, we will both gladly and easily beat him up."

and up until the moment i read that, i never really realized how much i love my family.
and i wish that there were these kinds of connections with everybody i know.
why do people have to hate each other?
we should accept differences and support each other, no matter what.
like a family.

7.

The finish line
is just around the bend
I'll pause this game
so our love will never end
Let's go again

mkay, what the fuck. why do you have to be such a...you?
you are so sweet to me,
even though we broke up three weeks ago.

i guess i still love you.
but i have feelings for someone else, too.
i moved on because i thought you did.
so, sorry to let you down.

but i hope i can be your friend forever.

6.

Lol @ the rage in my last post.
I am proud to say that I am over it, and more importantly, i'm over him.
About time, right? :D

Well, everything's okay now. No more emotional spasms for a loong time.

._. NOW I'M BRAINDED.
I update later. Byebyebyebye.

5.

I'M BOTTLING UP MY EMOTIONS AGAIN AND I FEEL LIKE IF I DON'T SAY SOMETHING I'LL EXPLODE.
I've been feeling like this for the past 5 days and i'm not sure if i can take it anymore.

I hate this. I hate not being with you. No, I hate not having someone to spill every ounce of my being into anymore. I feel empty. I need you, but I don't want you back, because it can't be the same.

I JUST FUCKING WISH THAT YOU WOULD STOP TELLING ME THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING AND THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS LOVE ME. I can't take that kind of shit. If you really mean it, DON'T FUCKING LEAVE ME. It's that simple. You can't just say that to me and then flirt with other girls. This is why I fucking hate myspace now. You can't do this to me.

I just wish you would stop telling me all those things so that I can let go of you. But it's fucking impossible. I wish you would stop being kind to me so I can be mad at you for leaving me.

I want you to say what you mean. Please don't preach to me your bullshit about how you'll always love me so that I don't get hurt when I see you flirting with hoes on myspace.

DUMB DUMB DUMB. I WISH I WAS OVER YOU.

4.

I AM SO FUCKING GOOD AT PROCRASTINATING.