28.

i feel like everything i listen to is a joke. which it isn't. because i have some really good music. but i feel like i haven't been exposed to enough music. which is a lie, because i've been more exposed than alot of people. i need something really good to listen to. i'm not sure what i'm looking for, though. i guess something that has really meaningful lyrics, the beat doesn't suck, it's not fucking br00t4L with the intense bass drums and guitar, and has a really sexy bass solo somewhere in it. and there definitely needs to be some synthesizer in there. i feel like i should just listen to the killers, now. but that's dumb, because even though brandon flowers is beautiful as fuck his voice doesn't appeal to me in half of their songs. dude, get a damn vocal teacher or something, because some of your songs suck and it's not because of mark, dave, or ronnie. it's your lame ass singing. JUST KIDDING. fuck. your voice is really sexy. i love having it ringing in my ears. maybe it's dave's fault that i'm not into some of your songs. i mean, he has his moments. but he needs to clean up that fucking puff ball for a head of his because it's very unattractive. you look like a q-tip. a really ugly one, at that. i wouldn't be surprised if i found small pieces of food in there because you do a shit job of keeping it neat. i'm not really sure why i'm still talking about the killers. but that's my rant.

dammit, katherine anne fucking tordil.
do your damn macbeth essay.

edit: 7:58 pm
okay, i'm totally procrastinating.
but i made this. so i'm productive too. kinda.

27.

i have that feeling, YET AGAIN, where you feel completely stupid and just a failure.
i don't even know why. i've been like this all day.
i'm procrastinating horribly, again. i need to do my reading questions, my comparative essay, and my macbeth paper. it's all so much.
and i don't do shit.
what is wrong with me.

and the weirdest part is that i don't know what to listen to.
i ALWAYS, always, always know what i want to listen to.
something's wrong with me. i'm failing to do anything.

man, fuck computers.

26.

i really don't understand how people can put up with tea. it's disgusting.

25.

my mom says i haz flu. :(
although idk whether to believe her or not. i feel kind of okay right now.


happyhappyhappy19th.
you are still the dusk to my dawn.

24.

i am so indecisive it's crazy.
and the fact that i keep thinking about my future makes me even more insane.

i mean, i'm flipping out because i'm afraid that being a photographer will result in me being a hobo in the streets, or something. and that's stupid, because things usually don't turn out like that. usually.
and i'm flipping out because i know that if i become one we can never be together again.
and i'm flipping out because i have this huge desire to be a nurse even though i'm not sure if i'll be happy living like that.

AND THAT'S JUST IT. ITS ALL FUCKING STUPID.
maybe none of that will happen.
man, i am just freaking out over nothing.
fuck the future.

i should listen to my own advice and go with the flow of things.

note to self.

colleges i'm seriously thinking of attending. don't forget.

UMBC
San Francisco Art Institute

mmf. add more eventually.

23.

okay, awesome. i love retreats.

mount 2009 was the epic win. bonding with my youth groupies and watching cute boys make my life. and jesus, too. jesus is a cutie. i'm not going to go all crazy fanatical over my religion but i just want to state that, yeah, i do believe in these things, whether they may be real or not. in the end, it always comes down to the concept of the religion.

anyways, i loved it. and waking up at 5am and running to the shower. and walking to breakfast. and just ARG i wish i could repeat it again. i'm really going to miss it.

but most of all, i think bonding with mb was cool. i mean, yeah, we've been best friends since 4th grade, but i don't know, it felt like we could talk more. haha yeah.

great weekend.