12.

everything is in just a daze. like it's really hard to figure out whats real and what's not.

my aunt just died today.
i loved her. she was the first relative i'd ever really spoken and connected to. she was the nicest one to me, and never made fun of me when i was younger, like the rest of my family did.
i really did love her. and i feel so sad that shes still suffering. she's being kept alive with machines until my grandma gets here. and it's frightening. i never want to be in that state.
but i really, really, loved her. and i wish that she could have enjoyed things as much as i am with everything right now. but it's too late, so i think i'll try to keep her in my thoughts. i want her to feel what i feel.
i hope these words reach you. i love you, tita.

i also feel sad about being lied to. i mean, i know it's not a big deal, but when friends do that to you, it kinda just makes you feel like poop. because it's like they don't want to be around you, or something. i don't know. it's a kind of disappointed feeling.

i think i really just need to sleep.