Saturday, February 28, 2009

30.

happy last day of february!

so that acrobat show shindig was pretty cool last night. i saw many pretty faces everywhere. and lots of little kids. and lots of asians. in other words, a sort of kat-esque place.
the show itself was really cool, too. the people were all bendy and had superduper dexterity.
i wish i could move like that.

i feel like i have alot of indirect things to say. but there's only one person, really. and its really long.

you're no fun anymore. we don't talk. what the fuck. i still want you to be my friend. update me a little on your life. i always feel like a loser, asking you how you are and you give me vague answers or you don't answer my question at all. let me innnnnn to your life! pleasee!
AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A LOSER FOR SAYING THIS.

i don't like feeling this way about you. it makes me feel needy.
please just talk to me once in a while.

huh. MGMT isn't all that bad.

Friday, February 27, 2009

29.

hmm. JUST KIDDING. the killers are amazing at singing. i just don't enjoy sam's town very much. hot fuss was the epic win, and day & age only has 4 or 5 good songs.

boys are disgusting.
please don't tell me you're masturbating to my pictures.
that makes me very uncomfortable. and i don't even know who you are.
so thanks for telling me this, dumb cunt.

NOTHING EXCITING HAS HAPPENED LATELY. all i am is stressed and tired. and blowing my nose.


i'm going to an acrobat show tonight. good fun.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

28.

i feel like everything i listen to is a joke. which it isn't. because i have some really good music. but i feel like i haven't been exposed to enough music. which is a lie, because i've been more exposed than alot of people. i need something really good to listen to. i'm not sure what i'm looking for, though. i guess something that has really meaningful lyrics, the beat doesn't suck, it's not fucking br00t4L with the intense bass drums and guitar, and has a really sexy bass solo somewhere in it. and there definitely needs to be some synthesizer in there. i feel like i should just listen to the killers, now. but that's dumb, because even though brandon flowers is beautiful as fuck his voice doesn't appeal to me in half of their songs. dude, get a damn vocal teacher or something, because some of your songs suck and it's not because of mark, dave, or ronnie. it's your lame ass singing. JUST KIDDING. fuck. your voice is really sexy. i love having it ringing in my ears. maybe it's dave's fault that i'm not into some of your songs. i mean, he has his moments. but he needs to clean up that fucking puff ball for a head of his because it's very unattractive. you look like a q-tip. a really ugly one, at that. i wouldn't be surprised if i found small pieces of food in there because you do a shit job of keeping it neat. i'm not really sure why i'm still talking about the killers. but that's my rant.

dammit, katherine anne fucking tordil.
do your damn macbeth essay.


edit: 7:58 pm
okay, i'm totally procrastinating.
but i made this. so i'm productive too. kinda.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

27.

i have that feeling, YET AGAIN, where you feel completely stupid and just a failure.
i don't even know why. i've been like this all day.
i'm procrastinating horribly, again. i need to do my reading questions, my comparative essay, and my macbeth paper. it's all so much.
and i don't do shit.
what is wrong with me.

and the weirdest part is that i don't know what to listen to.
i ALWAYS, always, always know what i want to listen to.
something's wrong with me. i'm failing to do anything.

man, fuck computers.

Friday, February 20, 2009

26.

i really don't understand how people can put up with tea. it's disgusting.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

25.

my mom says i haz flu. :(
although idk whether to believe her or not. i feel kind of okay right now.


happyhappyhappy19th.
you are still the dusk to my dawn.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

24.

i am so indecisive it's crazy.
and the fact that i keep thinking about my future makes me even more insane.

i mean, i'm flipping out because i'm afraid that being a photographer will result in me being a hobo in the streets, or something. and that's stupid, because things usually don't turn out like that. usually.
and i'm flipping out because i know that if i become one we can never be together again.
and i'm flipping out because i have this huge desire to be a nurse even though i'm not sure if i'll be happy living like that.

AND THAT'S JUST IT. ITS ALL FUCKING STUPID.
maybe none of that will happen.
man, i am just freaking out over nothing.
fuck the future.

i should listen to my own advice and go with the flow of things.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

note to self.

colleges i'm seriously thinking of attending. don't forget.

UMBC
San Francisco Art Institute

mmf. add more eventually.

23.

okay, awesome. i love retreats.

mount 2009 was the epic win. bonding with my youth groupies and watching cute boys make my life. and jesus, too. jesus is a cutie. i'm not going to go all crazy fanatical over my religion but i just want to state that, yeah, i do believe in these things, whether they may be real or not. in the end, it always comes down to the concept of the religion.

anyways, i loved it. and waking up at 5am and running to the shower. and walking to breakfast. and just ARG i wish i could repeat it again. i'm really going to miss it.

but most of all, i think bonding with mb was cool. i mean, yeah, we've been best friends since 4th grade, but i don't know, it felt like we could talk more. haha yeah.

great weekend.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

22.

me (8:39:35 PM): is that all youre gonna do with yo girl
me (8:39:39 PM): what a horrible boyfriend
kevin (8:39:42 PM): fuck no
kevin (8:39:46 PM): dude im a good bf
kevin (8:39:51 PM): i dont even care bout that shit
kevin (8:40:06 PM): mostly i wanna hold her in my arms and kiss her and hold her hands
me (8:40:10 PM): AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
me (8:40:19 PM): thats cute!
me (8:40:24 PM): ahaha i wish every boy was like that
kevin (8:40:39 PM): haha theyre not?
me (8:40:46 PM): well ya know
me (8:40:48 PM): some of them
me (8:40:55 PM): all they think about is their penis
kevin (8:41:07 PM): thats retarded
kevin (8:41:17 PM): i mean yeah its fun but its not all about that crap

AW. kevin is so sweet. his gf is lucky to have him.
hearing him say that gives me hope for all boys.
and it also really makes me miss being in love.

it feels like something is missing. :(
ah well. i'll be happy in due time 8]

RETREAT FOR THE WEEKEND BBN.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

21.

playing music makes me feel better about alot of things. mhm.

haha, you're back to your old ways.
i feel lame for not being able to stop you.
but i can't. so i'll just stay in the background
and hope nothing goes wrong.
i just hope the drugs don't kill you.

and now i'm thinking back to the time you said you hated people who did pot and told me to never do it because it was disgusting.
hypocritical, now, aren't we?

Sunday, February 8, 2009

20.

thank you for telling me you still love me.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

19.

12. Get Mom a really nice birthday present.

Yeah. Fuck. I have no money.
so much for my 12th goal.
There's always next year, though.

You know, my family really makes me rage sometimes. I came home last night and my mom walks up to me and says, "KAT, IT WAS SOOO FUNNY. Your kuyas were talking about ____ and making fun of her and mimicking those idiotic expressions she makes."
I'm not going to reveal any names because that would be kinda offensive.
But yeah. what the hell. That is such a dick move.
My cousins are always cordial (LOL VOCAB WORD WIN) and gentleman-like (lulz) around company, and then when they all leave they just talk a bunch of shit about them. I mean, they're just like their mom, except she doesn't know when to shut up.

I just found it really offensive because they've only met her once and after that they say all this shit. They have no basis of explanation, and no right to say anything about her. And i've known her for half my life, so i'm being particularily defensive.

It just pisses me off that my mom wants me to be just like them. Like what, be nice but be a total bitch behind peoples backs?

I know they have good intentions, but I just wish my mom didn't tell me to look up to them so much.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

18.

lawlz. i exploded this afternoon.
friggin photoshop freezes on me. and i was working on stuff for like 2 hours and i didn't save ANY of it.
90873905u3jopmds;kl

edit/
ALRIGHT YOU FUCKING CUNT.
DON'T FUCKING TALK SHIT ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND.
especially when you're RETARDED-LY wrong.

i'm just gonna repeat things i read in your post. i don't care. fuck you, brandon.

"You're a self-centered bitch who just gossips about other people because you've got no real friends to actually talk to."

okay, what in the FUCK are you talking about. we don't gossip. We tell honest things people have said about us to each other. You call that gossiping? I call that telling a friend what someone ELSE is gossiping about, shithead. and FYI, WE NEVER SAID ANYTHING BAD ABOUT YOU. we were just talking about what you called emily to other people, because yeah, we saw what you fucking said to people on AIM. and you fucking dumb bitch, emily has me and maribeth. we're as real as they get. don't assume shit.

"You bitch about your life, how it's so horrible, when your parents make great money. "
HA. HA. HA. WHAT. HER DAD DOESN'T LIVE WITH HER, AND HER MOM HAS NO JOB.
(sorry for putting that up there. i felt the need to contradict his stupidity with facts.)
GREAT JOB ASSSUMING SHIT. dumb fuck.

You cry about getting fucking 89%'s on tests.
dude, if you fucking knew emily's life story, i KNOW you would not be saying this.

this one gave me the epic lulz
You blog about how much drama you have with guys when I'm certain there isn't a guy in the world that would even give you a second glance. You change your haircolor every god damn month, and it just gets uglier every time. You always manage to be there when I hang with my friends, and someday, I'll rip you out in front of everyone, and it'll be the greatest moment of my life up to that point.
THIS IS WHY EVERYONE THINKS YOURE AN OBNOXIOUS DICKHEAD.

god. i hate you so much for thinking you know everything about emily when you don't know anything.
I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH.
YOU ARE THE MOST IGNORANT PERSON I HAVE EVER MET IN MY LIFE.

Monday, February 2, 2009

17.

HAHA OKAY. freaky dream last night.
i vaguely remember it, but i lived in a hotel. it was kind of like the one in the suite life of zach and cody. but it was 100 floors taller and it was insane. the people that lived there were all like crazy hobo women and their sons, and the doors were all green. anyways, i lived with maribeth and emily, and the place looked exactly like maribeth's house. we prank called brandon flowers and then he magically appeared in my room and we were just kind of staring at each other. i'm pretty sure i kissed him.

LET ME REPLAY THAT IN MY HEAD JUST A COUPLE TIMES.

okay. then everything changed and i was in like those really old 20's type of cars and i was driving thorough a place with alot of trees. then we found a lake and it felt like i was floating, or i was in one of those miyazaki films.

anyway, that's it. it was really cool.
by the way, steelers suck.

edit/
HAHA I JUST LOLED ALL OVER THE FLOOR.
http://community.livejournal.com/caps_thekillers/409571.html

Sunday, February 1, 2009

16.

alright, i'm done. i was listening to human earlier, and i realized its foolish to get angry, especially at petty things.
no more being stupid. i can't prevent what you do. when you're happy, i should take some hope from that, and think that i'll be happy too, eventually.

so now i think i'll be able to cope with you doing what you want.
who knows? maybe years from now i'll think that being in love with you was silly.