9.

UUGHHH!!
shit. wow. i just watched this movie called 5 Centimeters Per Second.
i swear, that is the saddest, most brutally honest movie i've ever seen.

it made me sad because out of everything, it reminded me of me and nard because of the long distance relationship reference.
and at the end of the movie, it didn't work out. just like me and him ended up.
but both the people were happy. and i hope i feel that way about him one day.
he's made the most impact on my life, after all. just like the girl did on the guy in the movie.
shit. it's like my life story, except animated and in japanese.
UGGGHHHHH.

but out of everything, it made me think. alot.
people have a huge desire to stretch their arms out and reach for the heavens.
why? i think i would be happy enough to understand my reason for living.
but the thing is, i don't want to know that reason.
i want to have the thrill of trying to find it out.
fuck science and technology. i crave a knowledge for understanding, not logic.
knowing how everything works wouldn't mean happiness for me, because then there would be no bigger goal for me to chase. it's that intense feeling of trying to understand that makes me happy.

i also realized from the movie that when i'm older, i want to live in a country type of home near the ocean. and listen to the crickets at night. and lay in a grass field and look at the stars. and just think, in peace, with the beauty of nature surrrounding me. that would make me feel infinite, out of all things.

i love movies that make you think and change your perspective of things.